I think this means he cares?
Jenn: $10 is like nothing.
Davis: $10 is like, three shirts!
Jenn: Davis, I eat $10 at time.
Davis: Maybe you should stop... since you're poor and fat.
Jenn: I really want cowgirl boots.
Michelle: Those are so easy to find, they have stores everywhere.
Jenn: You live in Texas.
Michelle: Oh yeah...
Skype makes it so we don’t have to be together to visually analyze each...– David Clift
maybe I shoulda mentioned that sooner
1: Ugh, I miss morning sex already.
2: I feel like you guys would be hung over too often to ever have morning sex.
1: Nah, the AM is a good time for us.
2: ...and I'm lying in your bed. Awesome.
a flawless plan
Matt: We need to get rid of these cockroaches.
Lisa: Why don't we just put peanut butter out or something?
Matt: Why would we do that?
Lisa: So then we can just stand there with a hammer.
YES I AM STILL AWAKE
“You should go to bed,” she says, as if the lights aren’t off and my eyes aren’t closed. As if the door wasn’t shut and my room wasn’t silent. As if I wasn’t counting my heartbeats, praying that the next thump will be the last my conscious mind records. As if I wasn’t about to break 5,000. Thanks, Mom. It’s just like her too, to waltz right...
we should probaby leave the house sometime
Louise: Wait, what do you guys DO for days at a time?
Jenn: Mostly just each other. And eat lots of burgers.
Louise: That's... that's the best thing I've ever heard in my life.
Look on the bright side, at least you can say you ROCK at being irresponsible!
Sometimes I think I’m autistic… other times I just think I’m...– Joel
shoulda plead the fifth
David: Stop trying to kiss my friends!
Tucker: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Tucker: STOP HAVING CUTE FRIENDS.
What? We don't favor the boys at all!
Mom: Jenny, you'd fit right in on a farm.
Jenn: I know, I know, 'cause I'm too tan. Har, har.
Uncle: No, it's because you look just like a little piggie!
Mom: Davis needs a haircut.
Grandpa: Stop badmouthing my grandson!
because graduation blows
Mom: Why didn't you invite any of your friends to graduation?
Jenn: Um, I actually like my friends.
Hold on, I gotta go get my boyfriend from the shed so he can meet my parents.– true story
two questions that should never be uttered back to...
Gina: Why is it wet in here?
Phil: ....why does it smell like pee?
Jennifer: How are you today?
Jenn: Meh, I'm in a shitty mood.
Jennifer: I have something that will cheer you up.
Jennifer: Nut meat!
Jenn: ... .
..I, I have a boyfriend?
Jennifer: I meant pistachios!!! Without the shells!
Jenn: Oooh, for a second there I thought you were coming onto me.
Baby-boomer? like.. a baby….RAPIST?– (via taylordubose)
David: She hasn't texted me back yet.
Jenn: She always takes extra long when you say something interesting.
David: I think it's because we're so clever sometimes, she doesn't know how to respond.
Jenn: That must be it.
David: Jenn, we need to figure out how to stop being clever.
Jenn: And waste all that time we spent figuring out how to be clever?!
In her defense, she doesn't sleep much either.
Jen C: I have a present for you.
Jenn N: Yeah?
Jen C: I found hot hipster douche you met in Cabo, on facebook.
Jenn N: Really? I didn't even ask his last name. How?
Jen C: I don't wanna say.
Jenn N: Just tell me.
Jen C: I sorta... searched Utah... like, the whole state.
does not take direction well
Bri: That guy just asked me what your favorite color was.
Bri: I told him blue, the color his balls will be if he hits on you.
Bartender: An AMF for the lady, compliments of the gentleman at the bar.
Bri: Men are idiots.
3am - text: You still up? Can I come sleep at your place? It's kinda awkward here...
5am - text: Fell back asleep. Almost at your house. You still up?
[the answer is no]
5.30am: MULTIPLE PHONE CALLS
[drag haggard ass outta bed, put clothes on, let David in, get back into bed]
9am - David: LET'S GO SMOKE THINGS.
Jenn: I hate you so much right now.
I just think 69’ing is sort of like doing flaming shots. It sounds like a...– Max
Hypothetically speaking, of course.
Ya know, drinking til 5am the night before you have graduation at 8am is ill advised. It may or may not result in you stumbling into a living room full of your friends’ parents at 7:35am wearing only a thong and your boyfriend’s button up shirt before sprinting across campus in yesterday’s makeup and wondering who in god’s name thought it was a good idea to give you a...
what biochemists talk about at 2am
Amanda: He's 6'6"?!
Amanda: Isn't that awkward?
Kate: Well, not like it matters in bed.
Amanda: But... you could never 69. Unless you know, he could really curl.
Jenn: AHAHAHAAHAHAHHA [laughs until she cries]
Um hello, Asian, woman, I know nothing about...
Max: ...makes my commitmentphobia go defcon 4.
Jenn: I thought I was bad. You turned commitment into an Xtreme sport and you're MVP.
Max: Xtreme sports don't have MVPs Jenn. They have casualties.
Max: Where do you get your hair cut?
Dexter: Thrifty Cuts, it's that place behind the bookstore. There's a giant sign with a guy that looks like a fat Hitler.
Max: So you just walked by one day decided to go in there?
Dexter: Yeah, so?
Max: You are like the dumbest Jew ever.
it's what's on the inside that counts
Jenn: I'm a mess today. Am I too much of a mess to go see [boy]?
Erin: Are you wearing a thong?
Erin: You're fine.
So uhhhhh, I guess we're passing go?
“Awe how cute, it’s like a pair of Hiroshima shadows.” “Thanks David.”
oh baby I need that trisomy 21
Daniel: You're such a fuckin' retard sometimes.
Jenn: Well I just like chromosomes so much I had to get an extra.
Jenn: I CAN'T HELP THAT I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL
ah do declare ah feel a bromance a'stirrin
David: Oh! He friend requested me on facebook!
Jenn: Why do I feel like you're more excited about this than I am?
David: HE LIKES ZEPPELINS, JENN.
I love the way she looks… like the perfect amount of Persian. Not too...– David Clift